We Americans?

Throughout history, cultures have often defined what is considered ‘normal,’ ‘beautiful,’ and ‘valuable.’ These definitions can dictate who belongs and who does not, often unconsciously. In the United States, this definition has traditionally centered around the white, able-bodied, heterosexual male of European descent, with everyone else deemed ‘not quite as good.’ Recognizing the harm this causes, I have dedicated myself to challenging and changing these destructive norms. A recent experience, however, reminded me just how deeply embedded these biases can be, even within those of us committed to change.

I went out to dinner with a group of family and friends. One young man was a new acquaintance, introduced to me as we walked to the Ethiopian restaurant where we had decided to eat. This person had a light brown complexion, wavy black hair, and a prominent nose. He also had a name common to many Arabic men. I wondered about his family’s origins but it was clear from the conversation that he had spent most or all his life in the United States. As we enjoyed our meal, I noticed my new friend eating with only his right hand, keeping his left hand in his lap, a public health practice in many cultures. Without thinking, I commented, ‘Oh, you know how to do this right. Look! We Americans are using both hands!’ As the words left my mouth, I felt a sinking realization—I had unconsciously defined ‘Americans’ as white-skinned people of European descent, excluding him from that definition. Embarrassment washed over me and I quickly apologized.

This experience reminded me that the work of challenging these deeply ingrained definitions is ongoing. It requires us to continually examine our biases, acknowledge our mistakes, and strive to do better. While my friend graciously assured me that he wasn’t offended, I know that moments like these contribute to the very culture I am trying to change. As we work toward a more inclusive society, it’s essential to recognize that change begins with each of us, in our everyday interactions.

This incident reinforced my commitment to ongoing self-reflection and the need for all of us to challenge the unconscious biases that shape our words and actions. By acknowledging these biases and taking steps to change them, we can move closer to a society where everyone truly belongs.